don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
