'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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