So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
