I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
