dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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