hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize