If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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