and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
