my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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