I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
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By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
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Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I need to wash the frat house off of me
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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