I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
