He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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