The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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