Need sex. Gaining weight.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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