You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
