I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
