when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
