I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
