please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
