So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Randomize
