there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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