Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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