I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize