Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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