Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
