dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
