You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
