So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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