I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
