NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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