I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
