Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
