Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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