that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
