I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just threw up on my dentist
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
