And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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