Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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