Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
