YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
