I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
