my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
