Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
