Who wears a wallet chain?!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Randomize
