You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize