just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Hippo gnu deer
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
