About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
