Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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