I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
