FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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