my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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