I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
