was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
