You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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