do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
