Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
