I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
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the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
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Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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