she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
