Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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