Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
