i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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